If you read my previous blogs then you will know that I spend many Tuesday evenings re-arranging pillowcases. (See "Pillows") This is because our house cleaner comes on Tuesdays and she has no regard for the sensitive order of pillows. What happens is that she washes our pillowcases and re-places the pillows randomly. This is a severe annoyance for the anal retentive pillow-sensitive individual. I always chalked this up to carelessness or insensitivity. But I'm starting to think that there is something more malicious or sinister at hand.
You see, the pillows are just one plague that I endure during the course of my Tuesday evenings. Another challenge is the telephone. I don't usually notice this until I settle comfortably into my bed to relax and retire for the night. It is only when I set my head on my recently reorganized pillows that I hear a foreign "chirp" from my wife's dresser. It usually takes me approximately 8 seconds of bewildered concern until I realize and remember that this noise is not some distress signal from a stranded extraterrestrial robot or the call of a previously unknown bedside carbon monoxide detector. Instead it is the simple beeping of the cordless phone base alerting its moron human owner to the fact that it is unplugged. Finding your mobile phone base unplugged may seem to you to be only a minor inconvenience. But when you consider the fact that it is plugged in behind the headboard of the bed, it elevates the minor inconvenience to a bona fide full strength inconvenience. Especially considering that the outlet is inevitably located exactly 3 centimeters away from the absolute furthest distance that your outstretched arm and fingers can reach on their most loose and limber day. So it is a genuine inconvenience - even the first time. But when it becomes a more regular occurrence, it evolves from inconvenience to annoyance. And when it becomes a bi-weekly occurrence, it evolves to major annoyance. And from there, it evolves to Cro Magnon annoyance. And it finally evolves to "Telltale Heart"-level obsessively frustrating annoyance.
But there is more than repetition that makes the situation so utterly enraging. (And this is where my suspicion of foul play comes in.) First of all, it isn't always the power cord that is unplugged. Sometimes it is the phone line itself. One wonders how and why the phone line became unplugged in its remote location at the intersection of Floor St. and Baseboard Ave. in the village of Behind the Headboard Inaccessibility. I can understand how a power cord can be gently accidentally yanked out in the course of dusting and cleaning. But if you've ever plugged in a phone, you will know that these suckers click into place. Unlike the flimsy 2 prongs of your standard AC outlet, the telephone plug has a sturdy plastic thingamajig that requires the intense pressure of a forefinger to help guide and lock it into place. (Unless of course you are using a phone jack with a broken thingamajig. And you, Lesser Human, may have a houseful of phone jacks with broken thingamajigs but I would not stand for such a travesty in my home. All my phone jacks are fully and lockably intact). So getting back to the point, the ONLY way that the phone line could be unplugged was if someone reached down to the jack and physically held down the plastic thingamajig while removing the jack. Simply pulling on the phone line will not release the jack. Like those awful finger cuff toys you can find in a dentist's treasure chest, it only strengthens the lock if you pull.
Combine this with the remote location of the jack and a logical mind can only conclude that my house cleaner INTENTIONALLY unplugs our mobile phone base. There is no other conclusion. Had this happened just once then perhaps I would believe that it was some freaky supernatural occurrence. But since it occurs with "occasional regularity," to coin a phrase, it must be intentional.
But why? I believe it is part of a grand conspiracy to annoy me. There are several other circumstances that contribute to this plan. (Aside from the pillows.). I will return on another Tuesday to share those with you. For now, go make sure your phone jacks are secure.
But why? I believe it is part of a grand conspiracy to annoy me. There are several other circumstances that contribute to this plan. (Aside from the pillows.). I will return on another Tuesday to share those with you. For now, go make sure your phone jacks are secure.
